Trousers down!

No, I haven't got that far with a girl yet, but it IS the case that I found myself walking round a crowded London pub wearing just my underpants.

I'll explain later, but first the day started with a visit to:

The Bentall centre, Kingston.

I am just starting to run out of large shopping centres in the south east, so today I've had to go a little out of my way to the London borough of Kingston, in Surrey, and it's ornate Bentalls shopping centre in its centre.

I surveyed the usual selection of women there, but found most of them had rings on their fingers, indicating that they were either married or engaged. Or lesbian. Or had taken preventative measures to ward off maloderous suitors such as myself. Indeed as a result of the cold weather there were three women I spoke to who were so covered up with coats and scarves that it was not possible to see their hands never mind their ring fingers; in Waterstones I had to wait until each one reached up to take a book off the shelf before that assessment could be made.

Up on the balcony there were two young lesbians holding hands and whispering sweet nothings to each other, so I had to go up and say hello. Not because I thought I stood any chance with either of them but because I liked to fantasize that I might one day, after my training is complete, be able to take them both in one go. Welly welly!

The rest of the shopping centre sarging was uneventful, but I did enjoy a partial success with a bulgarian shop worker working in one of those fancy clothes shops that sell three sweaters a week at loads of money a pop. As I walked past the entrance to the store I thought I noticed a bit of eye contact from her, an IOI (indication of interest). So in I swooped and after an inane opener walked deeper into the shop before returning to say to her "You're a very beautiful woman I just had to talk to you".

She blushed and said thanks.

Exactly the same as before I said we should meet after work for a drink, and that I was in a rush and she should enter her digits into my phone so I could contact her later.
But she was unsure. She said that it seemed "strange" to be approached out of the blue like that. I said yes that's true, but that I had not seen her before.
I asked her whether she liked me, and she said that she had not had a chance to take a look at me. A skilled evasion of the question I think! (although it was a mistake to ask her this, as it is a sign of weakness. Slapped wrists!)

Anyway upon noticing that her co-workers were homing in on her and me I decided to break off the engagement, and left her my business card so she could contact me during the week.
I don't think she will. Ho hum (again).


After leaving the centre, I went up to two girls on the street, one of whom had definitely been looking towards me.
"Can you recommend the best hairdressers where I can get my hair cut in Kingstone"
A good response, blah blah blah..
So I launched my "direct" attack with:

    "I had to come over to talk to both of you because you are both quite the most beautiful girls I have ever seen".

-at which point the attractive one suddenly went stony-faced.
What is it with these women? I'd just paid her a huge complement!

Oh well time to go.

Breifly chatted to a nice girl on the train up to Waterloo, but she was clearly in a relationship.

Then at Waterloo underground I sat next to a very nice black woman. I can't quite remember what prompted me to talk to her but I did, but she was spellbinding! Not just the sort of woman you fall in love with, but the sort of lady you worship!
I asked whether I could call her to arrange a drink later in the week, completely forgetting my training (you should never ask, you should always lead and let them say no if they don't want to).
Sh said no, because she was recently starting to see someone.
I detected some uncertainty in her voice about this, and suggested I could email her instead, before handing over my card. I was in luck; she reached into her bag and gave me her own card. She was a doctor!

Blimey. Very nice, but a little out of my league.

I shall email her during the week, but I won't phone her unless she invites me to. It's a long shot but who knows :-)
I'm not sure whether I can class this as a successful "number close" because she has given me her number (on the card) but has withheld permission to use it.
Think I'll give myself half a point score here.

Super :)



After I got off the tube at Leicester Square, I went into a bar close by, and as I was typing up these notes into my netbook three girls attached themselves to the three stools of the table right in front of me!
Time to try a bit of "night game", I figured.

"Can you tell me are we anywhere near Covent Garden" I opened. The blonde one gave me a bit of a smile, and the second one replied "we are from Sweden and we don't know the area.."

"Ah, a Swedish blonde" I exclaimed to the first, who laughed a little. Perhaps that was a little unnecessary.
"Are you in London on holiday?" I continued.
No reply. So I left before I had a chance to be rejected.
This was perhaps the first group I have opened, and I realise that I need to revise what you have to do with a group by reading the corresponding section in the book again. I believe you have to isolate the girl from the group first, and that seems like an advanced skill to me. And these girls don't seem like they are up for any fun really (quite at odds with the stereotype of the swedish woman in certain 1970's films that my doctor friend Brett St John likes to watch when the girlfriend is not around... ;-)

Another point is that due to a clothing planning error on my part, I've worn this shirt all yesterday and today, and I'm sure I'm starting to pong a bit; I can't risk getting too physically close to any girls.

Anyway after I tried again but failed with the same group as I left the pub, I walked over to the Covent garden piazza.
(that's a fine ornate building named presumably because you can get pizza there. Which you can!)
Spoke to one girl who was from australia but living in Oxford (I think I'll do that town next weekend), and a lone Japanese tourist who as soon as I said "I think you are very beautiful" said with quite the nicest smile "Goodbye!"

Gosh, I feel almost pleased to have been rejected she was so polite..


And then finally I moved on to the title of this blog entry, to a pub called "Verve", also very close to Leicester Square.

The first thing I noticed when I walked in was how fantastic the legs of the women were. And then it dawned on me: they were walking round in their underwear!
OK this sounds encouraging. I guess it has something to do with student rag, but I'm not complaining about it.
I walked upstairs to use the gents and there were a couple of guys also wearing nothing down below other than their y-fronts. "Why are you walking around in your underpants?" I enquired.
"Why are you walking around wearing your trousers" came the inevitable clever reply.
Er um mmm, well, right, left, up, down I felt like replying, but nothing came out.
"Take them off" one of the guys ordered. "Oh dear. Am I about to become the victim of a multiple gay student gangbang initiation contest" I wondered, but my fears were alleviated by the arrival of two shapely female students onto the scene, both of whom Who repeated the request for me to remove my trousers.

Before I knew it, there were 5 people surrounding me chanting:

    Pants Off!
    Pants Off!
    Pants Off!...

in unison.

So I had to take me trousers off, and to prove it I got them to take a photo of me in my boxers with a sexy female on each arm (to be accurate it was a female's leg under my arm, but I wasn't complaining).
Great fun. And the first dude shook my hand and thanked me for being a good sport.
lol.

So that's how I ended up walking round a crowded pub wearing nothing but a pair of underpants below.
But by the time I got downstairs most of the girls had gone, so I couldn't try chatting any of them up. Or even offering them an easy glimpse of my "weapon of mass destruction" (come on now girls, it's not every day that a guy tries to chat you up wearing y-fronts...
But for a laugh I went up to a pair of girls who were sat fully clothed (and had nothing to do with the thing) and asked them why they weren't in their underwear. Sadly however I didn't get a slap; they were foreign and didn't understand a word of what I was saying.


In summary an amusing night, and a possible claim to half a point in score due to the telephone number from the girl on the tube.
Till next time, adios!
x