Got another number!

Well first I should apologise for being a little slow with my updates to the blog, but the reason is that I'm in mourning. MOURNING, I tell you!
Ebay <dabbs tear from eye with handkerchief>, have SUSPENDED my account!

For LIFE!

Why is this relevant to the blog? Only because the reason for the suspension was an auction I uploaded titled "A hot date with Geekymicky!"
Auction removed due to "adult content"

Bloody killjoys.. I only put it up there for a laugh, and before it was pulled it had attracted four "watchers", all of whom might have been female!

And no you can't just open up a fresh account; they've got software that detects who you are, and your new account will end up banned as well.

So this means that from now on I'll appear in public impeccably dressed. Due to the fact that I'll have to buy my clothes from a proper shop at full price rather than discount "designer" Ebay second-hand clothing that is so ill-fitting that I always look like a scarecrow with a wedding invitation..

Anyway moving on to the sarging efforts of the week (sarging means trying to pick up chicks), and this week on Saturday morning I visited the Science museum in London.

But my game was not so good as I'm feeling a little depressed; losing Ebay is like losing your right hand. Yes, even worse than losing your left hand..

Now the Science museum is not the most obvious choice for chicks it has to be said, but it should attract the more intelligent babe; those who wear glasses. In fact a chick wearing glasses is really good because it means when you get down and dirty with them the glasses protect her eyes against any er, ..any, er.. ...I better not go there.

I started off in the "history of materials" section on the second floor, and there was a large transparent model of a woman with steel-reinforced bones and other man-made materials like pacemakers and false teeth inside her, to show how materials have benefited medicine and surgery over the years.
Another model of a woman (a living one) was looking at it.

    "isn't it amazing what sort of man-made things you can stick into a woman's body"

The conversation started, but it soon fizzled out. She walked off, only for me to approach her again to proclaim my love for her, in the usual way.

    "Very nice of you to say so. But I've got a boyfriend" was her reply.
   
    "I'm not surprised", I continued. "How long.."

at which point she cut in to say that she was at the museum with her brother, who was just.. over.. there..
I made a swift exit to avoid being beaten into a pulp.


Now I do have to say I like the science museum, and my favourite section has to be the "Hall of aviation" right at the back on the 5th floor.
Right in front of the display on the Wright brothers (the pioneers of free flight, and the inspiration for Ryanair) was a nice girl. "What gave you the inspiration to fly" I opened with.
That confused her.
"No I've never flown in my life"
"What, not even on an airliner?"
"No, not even on a coach..."

????

I give up. The problem with the science museum is there are lots of women there, but they are all in couples. So I was having to stop and stare at a few to see whether they moved with their partners or seem to be on their own. Which makes me appear even more like a stalker..
So when I got into a conversation with a woman about which planes she would like to fly, and the conversation moved on to a plane hanging right over the top of us, she called a guy over. It was her boyfriend. "Isn't that the plane that Amelia Earhart used to cross the Atlantic?"

Glad I hadn't delivered my words of eternal love to her by this stage, as I would have been trying to board her!*

Back towards the front, through the "farming" section (which curiously hosted a number of fat women, drawn presumably to the equally fat farm animals on display) and on to the maths department, and the cabinets displaying the mobius loops.
    "Aren't these loops amazing" I said to a girl. "A mobius loop looks like it has two sides to it, but actually only has one"
    "Yes they are" she replied, but went on to say:
    "..in molecular biochemistry they are non-chiral constitutional steroisomers, describing pairs of isomeric molecular structures possessing non-homeomorphic molecular graphs, while the classical stereoisomers (enantiomers and diastereomers) possess molecular graphs which are homeomorphic and also homeotopic (interconvertable by continuous deformation in 3-space)."

"Who the hell are you!"

(She was a PhD student at Imperial College, just around the corner.)

Now why can't we have a mix of the above two women, and have two with normal intelligence, instead of Jade Goody and Miss bleeding Einstein

Right I've had enough of the Science museum. It's time to go over the road.. to:


The Victoria and Albert museum
******************************
Now this should have some tottie, because it is filled with boring art and culture. I hate art, and know nothing about culture. But since women hate everything I love, and I love everything they hate, this place should be a positive breeding ground <heh heh heh>..

And I was right! The first girl I approached I got a number close. Bosh just like that!
It went like clockwork. I saw the small Indian girl sitting admiring some dour painting in the middle of a large room, walked towards her, waited for the security guard to walk past, then opened with "Do you know what time the museum closes?"

She replied she thought it was around 5:30pm

I walked away, paused, turned around, and continued: "Actually the real reason I came over to talk to you is that I think you're really beautiful, and I had to say hello"
"Thanks" she replied, beaming with a smile, "I think you're nice too!"

"blimey, he's off" my friend Elvis Clarkson would have said at this point. "he's off!.."

After finding out she was an accountant, I gave her my card, said I had to go, but it would be nice to go to the science museum next weekend (she had talked about this) and she should enter her digits into my phone. Which she did.

We have a winner!

I thought I'd exit the museum to savour my victory, have a pee, a cup of tea, a short rest, before going into my next venue which was:


Harrods
*******
Now on the face of things Harrods would seem to be a good place to chat up women. But the trouble with it is that being a shop for the rich, there are sales staff everywhere. So it is difficult to say anything to women without the risk of being overheard, and the risk (or inevitability probably in my case) of being thrown out.
Oh and many of the women are old and unattractive.

It was difficult. I approached, I must say, only two in the whole two hours I was there. And it is tiring because (as Britain's largest shop) it requires a fair bit of walking. And there is nowhere to sit down to rest ones legs unless you are prepared to be ripped off in one of their many in-store cafes. £14 for a blinkin' ice cream; you must be having a laugh.

Before I left, empty handed (apart from the goods I had shoplifted - only joking), I reflected on the fact that I was probably not the only guy to have considered chatting up women in Harrods. But that many other guys might be after a woman's money as well as their bodies, hence the creation of a lot of competition I don't need to have.

It was time for my evening meal, a nice beef dish at a "Spaghetti House" restaurant nearby. The same one that was under siege in the 1970s; they had newspaper cut-outs from the time in the front porch telling you all about it.

Yummy.


The final effort of the day was a bit of night game at around 8:20pm in the "Walkabout" Australian pub in Covent Garden, and four foxy ladies right at the back.
    "Excuse me, sorry to trouble you, but have you seen a guy who looks a bit like me, but taller, here in the last few minutes"

That got them going. No they hadn't seen my brother, but they had a good scan around the room with their eyes.
Mind you that was not surprising. I wasn't actually planning to meet him there, but later in Shoreditch. But the story makes a great opener!

    "I'm supposed to be meeting him her at 8:30pm. Do you mind if I wait here for a bit?"

They were happy for me to wait. Sailed past the hook point, and I even got a seat!

I actually can't remember what we spent our time talking about, but I spent a good half an hour with them, and had a great time, with not a little sexual inuendo and banter. One of the girls was rather miffed when another said the first was single. Not sure what happened there.
But three of the four said they were married, with the last in a long-term relationship. Yet one of the married ones was really quite flirtatious, and I was able to get my arm around her, a good solid bit of "keno" (this means touching a girl to escalate sexual intensity). But I couldn't bring myself to persue a married woman, as that seemed to be wrong.
I left to try out another pub. I think now they were joking about being married. None of them were wearing rings as married women often do. So perhaps if this happens again I'll keep trying to escalate a little more.


The final pub was the O'Neills bar near Oxford circus, and as I walked up there I was "disappointed" to find that I would have to pass through Soho, the centre of Seedy London, and my spiritual home.
Passing the gay bars there, which were rammed full of guys (is "rammed" an unfortunate choice of word in that context?). I mean in one of them there "must have been 200 guys for every guy.." (that was meant as a joke - come on laugh then..)

Up through the passage under the old Raymond's review bar, into a naughty shop to ogle the videos, and on to the O'Neills bar.

It was full to the rafters, and the door staff weren't letting anyone in. My protestations of "I've got a blog to write and my readers are clamouring for the next posting" just didn't cut it I'm afraid.


And there we have it. A number to call was the result for the day. I wonder how that'll pan out.

Till next time, once my bout of man-flu has passed, adios!


*(the plane, that is, not the girl)